The Invasion of Time | Sophisticated Idiots

The Invasion of Time
1978

The Invasion of Time review: The Doctor, played by Tom Baker, is invested as Time Lord President

or Gallifree to do What I Want
(Any Old Time)

or Probic Ventures in Space and Time

We know we’re supposed to remember this one for the Sontarans twist.

Or as Leela’s farewell. Or K9’s (there was a BOGOF deal on departures in 1978). Maybe even for Tom’s distractingly glaring mispronunciation of Gallifrey throughout.

But for us – and perhaps we’re getting too young for this sort of thing – the main takeaway from The Invasion of Time is a hefty sense of disappointment.

It's a decent story (which in this season is praise worth clinging to). But The Invasion of Time could - nay should - have been A Great One.

This serial over-promises and under-delivers on a scale not seen since The Man With the Golden Gun, which similarly made a hash of a great idea by tossing together a final act that comprised exclusively of characters ambling around a backlot.

What's frustrating is that all the ingredients are there, only they’ve not been mixed with the required care. Our delicious carbonara has been reduced to scrambled eggs.

The prep is great too. In a wonderful start, the audience is dumped straight into a baffling beginning in which the Doctor is being a total jerk to anyone near him (was this the only story Colin B had seen before cameras rolled on his era?).

We can understand - and offer immediate forgiveness for - Tom being rude to Leela and the robot dog.

Though as fun as it is watching him let rip at the Time Lords (and giving them mere minutes to construct his hermetically-sealed panic room of lead is a particular delight), it feels a bit like we're watching an angry janitor yelling at care home residents.

However, the Doctor’s Most Obnoxious Sod in the World Act needlessly lasting for FOUR ENTIRE EPISODES is a clear indicator of the pacing problems that cripple this story. Let’s not forget The Invasion of Time signals the beginning of the end for the Doctor Who six-parter (silver linings and all that – though more on the Vardans later).

There’s an oh-so painful sense of lethargy to proceedings.

Which is neither helped by the average age of the Gallifrey actors being 87 (they spend their days penning essays on reason) – nor by a quarter of the runtime being devoted to shots of our fleeing heroes’ footwear as they trot up and down steps.

On the plus side, while Gallifrey can sometimes induce lore bore, Sophisticated Idiots grew up with The Five Doctors (not literally – what a dysfunctional household that would be…) and this serial provides welcome context to some of the characters we’ll meet again in the mega mayhem of that anniversary reunion.

For example, The Invasion of Time achieves the not inconsiderable feat of making us feel sympathy for Borusa.

The old duffer’s mercilessly berated by the Doctor to the extent that he sits out the final episode on medical grounds. No doubt he’s still supping cocktails by the pool and loving the jolly coverage of the Titanic’s demise. Or Page 3 (ask your dads, Gen Z).

Meanwhile, the Castellan absolutely shines as the snivelling weasel. His pathetic cosying-up to his new alien masters makes Draco Malfoy look classy.

Right - let’s get the Vardans out the way.

We try to be understanding when budgetary issues so clearly hinder an overwhelmed production team (mind you, our patience won’t last long on The Web Planet).

But when characters are immortalised on screen with slithers of literal tin foil, it's surely less a balls-up and more part of cynical BBC lobbying for the Government to hike the licence fee.

Odd statement incoming... Doctor Who doesn’t focus enough on the TARDIS.

In the 15 years the show’s been hogging the nation’s screentime at this point, all we’ve seen of the ship’s relative dimensions are the vending machine, the back-breaking beds from the Jetsons and Hartnell’s weird spider in a display case.

The Invasion of Time manages to get Who fans salivating at the prospect of a climactic chase around the innards of the big blue box.

A generation of geeks' hopes are then crushed when this genius idea is tossed away quicker than K9 in the final reel.

Aside from the early peek at the pool, all we’re treated to are bland corridors (as if we don’t get enough of those in Classic Who) and repeat visits to the warehouse from Reservoir Dogs.

Equally under-served are the Sontarans. One of the few recurring Who baddies with a recognisable personality, we usually adore their relentless warmongering.

But here they’re reduced to simple mockery fodder.

Not content with committing the apparent cardinal sin of carrying alliteration a little too far, they’re unable to see properly, grip anything or even communicate above a hoarse whisper.

Plus, their ridiculous design flaw – their fatal probic vent weakness may as well have a bullseye painted on it – is exploited to humiliating proportions.

Talking of felling Sontarans with ease, Leela’s in her absolute element in this story.

Back with her “savage” kind (though, weirdly, ends up lording - ladying? - it in the gleaming Citadel rather than roughing it outside in furs), she bickers with K9, shows off her prodigious throwing and is fiercely loyal to her Doctor.

Obviously, such respect ain't reciprocated but let's hope she’s too unevolved to notice.

As we’ve previously boasted, we’re not particular fans of Leela – the character over-promised but under-delivered (rings a bell...) – but it’s depressing to see her join the pantheon of female companions to be discarded without much thought.

Her so-called relationship with the Jelly Baby-loving wuss, Andred, feels as tacked-on as we all know it really was behind the scenes.

So, verdict time on this serial: do we reject this Presidential wannabe when it dons the crown - or welcome it to our Matrixy bosom?

At least The Invasion of Time has a stab at being a proper season finale (things have come a long way since The Reign of Terror).

It underwhelms, of course. Much like The Great Key, which fails to earn its lofty prefix along with “Great" namesakes Yarmouth, the British Bake Off and the Train Robbery.

And the Doctor ending proceedings by channeling Ripley and wielding a big-ass gun to wipe out his adversaries, feels awkwardly out of character (sorry, we mean prognostication is impossible in matters concerning the Doctor).

Then the sod lucks out by going all Biden and forgetting he's been President altogether - along with everything else that’s unfolded over the past six episodes.

Yet there's no such fortune for us: we’re horribly aware that this brings us to the end.

Of Season 15. Of K9 (the draft version anyway). And of Leela.

That's a whole lot of underwhelming in one fell swoop.

Anyway, no time to dwell: we’ve gotta complete the arrangements for the subjugation of our people.

But it feels appropriate to let Leela have the last word, belatedly giving her an au revoir she wasn't granted in the actual show (which was a bit, ahem, savage):

“There’s no point in further discussion. The discussion is for the wise or the helpless. And I am neither.”