Paradise Towers | Sophisticated Idiots

With apologies to Axel Rose and his Gn'R crew, the only responsible way to summarise this unremitting slice of terribly brilliant classic Doctor Who is to fuse it with another behemoth released that year.

NB: this is probably best *enjoyed* with the track playing along at the same time (and its lyrics displayed), for some Kang-tastic karaoke.

Videos of you performing this will, of course, be eagerly celebrated on the Sophisticated Idiots Insta...

Paradise Towers

Take me up to the Paradise Towers
Where the pool is grim and that Pax guy cowers
Oh Daddy, please, I’m hungry

These Kang urchins are in charge of the street
Doctor and Mel are hard to beat
I'm your cute basement pet, so find me rezzies to eat
This episode is super lame
But it's darn good fun all the same

Tabs and Tilda, are cannibals, you gotta
Bear with it though, these cranky old fools
Will succumb, succumb to the evil waste disposal
Now they've both been made unalive
And dammit Mel is gonna survive

Take me up to the Paradise Towers
Where the pool is grim and that Pax guy cowers
Oh Daddy, please, I’m hungry. Ice-hot

Take me up to the Paradise Towers
Where the pool is grim and that Pax guy cowers
I’m hungry

The big bad Hitler faux is Richard Bri-er(s)
Acting notes? He can't quite remember
His men quoting non-stop regulations at all
‘Till he’s caught by the architect, the massive tool
Tube down, then a crap silver ghoul

Take me up to the Paradise Towers
Where the pool is grim and that Pax guy cowers
I’m hungry, ice-hot

Take me up to the Paradise Towers
Where the pool is grim and that Pax guy cowers
Oh Daddy, please, I’m hungry. Ice

Send the cleaners
Send the cleaners
Send the cleaners
Send the cleaners

This new McCoy fella’s proper arrived now
A court jester but in serious vein
“You’ll kill me anyway so make good use of my brain”
He’s no cowardly cutlet, is he brave?
Yes he’s full of knocked-off Fizzade

Take me up to the Paradise Towers
Where the pool is grim and that Pax guy cowers
I’m hungry. Yeah-yeah

Take me up to the Paradise Towers
Where the pool is grim and that Pax guy cowers
Oh Daddy, please, I’m hungry

Take me up to the Paradise Towers
Where the pool is grim and that Pax guy cowers
I’m hungry. Yeah-yeah

Take me up to the Paradise Towers
Where the pool is grim and that Pax guy cowers
Oh Daddy, please, I’m hungry.

Hungry

I wanna eat, I am hungry
Send the cleaners, and feed me
Floor 3-0-4. Where they gather-y
Send the cleaners, I’m hungry

Take me up to the Paradise Towers
Where the pool is grim and that Pax guy cowers
I’m hungry.

ENDS

Now that you’ve spent 6mins 48secs in Top of the Pops Paradise (you’re welcome), the only remaining task is to count down this week’s Top Five worst scenes in all of 80s Classic Who.

You’ll never guess what inspired such a caper.

Coming in at Number Five:

It's Hale and Pace in Survival

This week’s Number Four:

Colin's Timelash tinsel balancing act

At Number Three:

The rampage from the Myrka in Warriors of the Deep

This week’s Number Two:

The new Doctor's abuse of Peri in The Twin Dilemma

Which means, for the third week running, coming in at Number One is:

Mel in the Paradise Towers pool

That's all we've got time for today. Tune in again next week when the show will come live from a flying bus. And your hosts will be Ken Dodd and a green painted baby.