The planet we spend two long (too long?) episodes on in Revelation of the Daleks has the honour of sharing a name with the Aryan henchman in The Living Daylights. But Necros is not the only similarity between these two slices of 80s British pop culture.

​

Both Bond and Doctor Who were grappling to bed in a leading man who was replacing a popular, affable predecessor. Both were trying to introduce a more serious tone. Both were once-great behemoths boasting 20-plus years of legacy whose Midas touch had deserted them this decade. Both would have one more roll of the dice after this. But neither would rediscover the magic in time and would endure a hiatus into the 1990s.

 

However, there is one seismic difference between these two stories. The Living Daylights was ruddy brilliant. Revelation of the Daleks is very much not.

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

 

This story is often held up as the best of the Colin Baker era. Tragically, it is one of the least worst offerings that the producers were curling out at this stage. But don’t let that blue mourning coat of an argument shield you from the technicolour reality beneath: Revelation of the Daleks is a soggy nut roast roll of a story whose lofty placing in Baker II rankings is purely due to the depressing dross it’s compared with.

​

Tellingly, its main strength is that the Doctor himself is absent for large swathes.

 

Everything that happens in this story is propelled by the body snatchers, by the Knight or by the rival Daleks turning up. Our titular hero plays precisely zero role in any of this action. He’s too busy bullying his companion or worrying about which minor character will belittle him next.

​

The Doctor literally has no bearing on the story until two minutes before the end when he suggests the locals harvest the purple flowers instead of their relatives. This genius idea aside, he’d be more useful for these 90 minutes if he stayed on top of that sodding wall trying to fix his pocket watch.

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

 

As a piece of drama, Revelation of the Daleks would be stronger sans the Doctor entirely. After Wallgate, there’s a reasonably decent 10 minutes where the director focuses on scenes at the funeral home, in Davros’ lair and with Kara’s scheming. Our heart sinks when, after this period of sweet relief in which there has been some enjoyable dramatic setup, we return to watch the Doctor meandering through the snow.

​

Colin Baker manages to achieve new levels of insufferability here.

​

His bickering with Peri early on is ghastly. We guess the fat-shaming back and forth is some kind of in-joke that accidentally made the final edit, but beyond this he’s patronising, horribly flippant and humiliatingly chastened by everyone he meets. Orcini the Knight casually swats him aside in their first encounter. He’s even bested by the slimy husband of Hyacinth Bucket who roasts him about his undeserved ego.

​

We don’t want to be too unkind about Colin. We’re not fans of Pertwee’s take on the character either but several of his stories will rank quite highly because other aspects of those serials rise above the flaws in the main man’s performance. Sadly for Colin, the whole show is running on empty by this stage so there’s nothing to bail him out. He was brutally isolated.

​

But Colin isn’t the only culprit here. The acting is generally rancid throughout, with only the Knight and Kara justified in noting this one on their CV.

​

The bit of Revelation that everyone remembers is the incredibly effective scene in which Natasha discovers her captured father who’s being transitioned into a Dalek. We entirely agree that it’s the strongest moment: bleak, powerful and emotional. Yet it’s an anomaly, an utterly out of place moment of brilliance in an otherwise garish monstrosity. It’s All You Need is Love on Yellow Submarine.

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

(Note, by the way, that again the Doctor is nowhere near this scene - ala Bond being AWOL from the milkman attack on the safe house in Daylights’ standout moment…)

​

Defenders of Revelation of the Daleks will claim the darker tone on display is a plus-point. And it would be. If only the producers had the cojones to follow through on it. It wants to be a darker story but loses its nerve. Imagine if Ghost Light crowbarred Ken Dodd into proceedings.

​

For instance, the tone is undermined by stoopid cheap twists written by primary school children: a Styrofoam memorial stone is revealed to be a Davros trick to lure the Doctor. Rightio. Then later, Davros is killed by the Knight but no, wait, it was a replica all along and the real Davros had been hiding off screen. It’s nonsensical, gimmicky storytelling that’s been greenlit after precisely three seconds’ consideration in the writers’ room.

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

But don’t worry, this isn’t everything that’s terrible about Revelation of the Daleks. It also offers the following beauties:

​

• In a post MeToo age, Mr Bucket slobbering all over Peri makes for deeply uncomfortable viewing.

• An alcoholic twice in one minute outright tells the audience: “I’m a doctor, you know.” His medical prowess is never referred to again.

• Vaseline is randomly smeared over the lens for Peri’s scenes with the DJ.

• Davros has developed Emperor Palpatine electricity shooting skills.

• Oh, and apparently levitation skills. We think. The effect is rendered so poorly it's not actually very clear if he has indeed solved his master race's ol' prohibitive staircase problem or not.

​​

Overall, nobody involved in the production gives a damn anymore. They just want out – either from this season or the whole shebang. And it shows.

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

 

 

Granted, our approach of jumping about at random to watch stories from different eras is particularly harsh on Colin’s years. The practice doesn’t just shine a light on Baker’s shoddy two seasons, it waterboards them with a hip flask of unspecified liquor.

 

In the context of the rest of Colin’s fare, this story is probably bearable, but held up against even hum-drum stories from other Doctors, Revelation of the Daleks is as exposed as a fake floating head waiting to be shot down by the far more noble efforts from the past.

​

At its conclusion the Doctor promises Peri they’ll go and find some fun. The way these two enjoy one another’s company, it sounds like nothing short of a Trial to us…

​

​

​

​

• ​Comment on this review, if you can be bothered, here

​

• More reviews