The Seeds of Death | Sophisticated Idiots

No and yes.

No, we haven't got this one mixed up with the Tom Baker story of the same name (we are a genius, after all).

And yes, we were as surprised as you by how much we enjoyed it.

Almost as much, in fact, as we used to enjoy trudging home from Hastings pier at 3am in sodden clothes after a foam party.

So we watch Troughton larking about in The Seeds of Death with unbridled fondness and lashings of jealousy.

This story tends not to stick in the memory – in hindsight plagiarising its title for that later, superior, Baker story is self-defeating – but we reckon it deserves to stand alongside the top tier of Second Doctor offerings.

Granted, Troughton himself – two stories out from retiring – is in full gung-ho (gung-go?) mode, and it’s another base-under-siege tale.

But what a base-under-siege tale it is. The production is first-rate, with strong dramatic beats, plenty of tension and a plethora of interesting characters.

Crucially, it earns its length in a period when six-parters can so often feel like a chore.

But quality writing and production should be a basic standard, we hear you innocently cry. What sets this story apart?

The Seeds of Death has a secret weapon: some masterly brilliant monsters.

We thought the Ice Warriors were scary in their debut story, but compared with what we face here, last time out they were as threatening as Peppa Pig.

Here, in the sequel, they’re sphincter-clenchingly frightening.

They’re coldly (ha!) calculated. See how they gun down technicians at will and Fewsham’s eventual death hits hard. Albeit it's a hero’s death he could only have dreamed of when he was being bollocked at the story’s outset.

What’s even more impressive is that the Ice Warriors have An Actual Plan for World Domination. It’s coherent and – in a nod to their own genius – reasonably well thought-out.

Obviously, its execution on a threadbare budget is painfully lacking in places: the inflating balloons are charmingly laughable, while the bubble bath spreading across the countryside never seems to have any actual consequences for humanity.

Unless you count Troughton looking like a Ghostbuster after Stay-Puft explodes.

But the reptilian rascals have concocted a multi-layered invasion blueprint based on some none-too-shonky theory and we applaud how their plot builds across the six parts, which is credit to the director who knows how to keep the audience hooked.

The scene where the Ice Warriors play hide-and-seek as Miss Kelly and co arrive on Moonbase ratchets up the tension expertly.

Similarly, we endure only minor shame in admitting we were utterly flummoxed when the Warrior disabled the weather device - until the later great reveal that simple rainwater scuppers their suddy takeover.

Oh, and the scene where the Doctor stumbles upon this discovery by going all George’s Marvellous Medicine with his acid-lobbing onto the inflating balloon , is pure gold.

Alright, if you insist on being pedantic then it's technically true that the Ice Warriors’ plans are thwarted by their own invading fleet neglecting to fill up their fuel tanks before take-off. But it’s a decent plan nonetheless.

We are reminded of a former colleague once delivering the killer quote, while railing against management-ordered IT cutbacks: “If you’re gonna put all your eggs in one basket, don’t drop the f*****g basket.”

We feel the future Earth depicted in The Seeds of Death should heed the advice of Bill in IT.

It feels a smidge risky to scrap your rockets so the entire world can rely on a T-Mat system operated from a single base on the Moon that’s defended by a few puny guards. Especially when they’ve also pensioned off all their cars.

Oh well, at least they’ve learnt the lessons from the global pandemic of 2020 that fast-spreading infections can be easily defeated with a handkerchief to the face.

On the plus side, this serial offers an unusually strong supporting cast.

It's not just the quivering Fewsham and the unshakeable Miss Kelly (who's something of a glass ceiling smasher: female characters who are both strong and prominent in their stories are painfully lacking throughout Doctor Who, let alone in the 60s).

Both her superior officer and his old mucker who runs the space museum, are also fully realised characters the audience actually give two hoots about.

The downside of this is that Zoe and, in particular, Jamie are largely redundant.

At least Zoe gets to prattle off some rocket geekery and coax a T-Mat engineer out of his freak-out.

Poor old Jamie spends six episodes loyally following the action around without anything to do until he kicks into life at the end to scuffle with the Warrior to save his beloved Doctor.

Charmingly, the DVD commentary for Once Upon A Time In Hollywood reveals that Jamie's actions here were the main inspiration for the heroism of Brad's pit bull.

Meanwhile, the main man goes from one extreme to another.

When not enjoying a week in Zante while his body double lies on a slab, Troughton is dashing around the set like Benny Hill.

It’s tricky to believe he’s quite the genius he so modestly claims to be.

However, you can't keep a brilliant man down and Pat is involved in a couple of the highest moments of high drama in The Seeds of Death.

The Doctor faces some genuine peril, both in the attempt to T-Mat him into space as Jamie rushes to undo some rusty screws, and the (admittedly drawn-out) Episode Five finale when he’s being consumed by Mr Whippy outside the weather station.

It should be said that Troughton’s demob-happy performance is not as irritating as the overwrought steel drum that permeates any scene close to being described as action-packed.

And as impressive as the Ice Warriors are in this outing, there’s no escaping the fact they’re still achieving levels of mobility not seen since Frankenstein’s monster sloped across Hammer sets.

Their dialogue can also be annoyingly repetitive. Here’s an exchange we see play out on 18 separate occasions:

“Do this for us, Earth scum.”

“No.”

“I’ll kill you then.”

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

Nevertheless, we’re pleased to say the Warriors’ failings are more than made up for by producers getting William Hartnell to voice the Grand Marshall. Which is a lovely and definitely thoroughly fact-checked touch.

So yes or no, Whovian geniuses: does The Seeds of Death make the top 20 of the programme's all-time hits?

And if so, will it stay there?

Well, inspired by the foam that’s so prominent in this slice of late 60s merriment, this one crept its way through the rest of the field until finally exploding into those exalted upper echelons of Doctor Who stories.

For now, mind. It’ll surely be flushed down the list a little when the weather machine gets fixed and the heavens open.

It always used to sodding-well rain in Hastings too.