The Caves of Androzani | Sophisticated Idiots

The Caves of Androzani
1984

The Caves of Androzani review: The Fifth Doctor carries Peri to the TARDIS

or Doctor Who Peters Out

or We Will Spectrox You

Davison fans may want to look away now. You’re not going to like Sophisticated Idiots.

Caves is routinely held up as a tour de force, the one bright spot in an otherwise limp tenure for the boy vet prodigy. But let’s be honest, it’s not great.

Being better than his other beige fare is not enough. It’s on a par with what much of Classic Who used to deliver but that alone does not make it stellar. Watch any Hartnell and then watch this and you’ll see what we mean. Nostalgia is blinding people into thinking an average story is some kind of classic. At the time of writing we’re only 82 stories through the classic era. Caves does not make the top 30.

That’s not to say it’s not a quality story, because it certainly is. It’s just that its reputation has been milked over the years like a queen bat in her fibreglass cave set.

It’s sad that this level of effort from the writers, production team, director and actors has been missing for so long. In the 60s and most of the 70s everyone invariably brought their A-game, motivated into taking bold creative risks by the endless opportunities of a show that could go anywhere in any time. When the 80s kicked in everyone settled into their Lazyboy armchair and waited in their slippers for the 90s, no doubt with a big 30th anniversary party in 1993 in their sights. Oops.

This story is elevated above much of the Davison era by some quite simple things. Finally, the dimmer switch has been turned down, providing some refreshing gloom and eeriness after the 100-watt bulb saturation of the past few seasons.

The grittier tone adopted throughout is most welcome. Again, it’s nothing revolutionary, merely a case of getting back to basics. Doctor Who is at its best when it takes itself seriously, otherwise it can tumble into pantomime territory. Caves is not playing for cheap laughs or trying to boost its flagging ratings with gimmicks like child-friendly shiny robots or attracting the dads with Nicola Bryant in a bikini.

Caves has a lovely older-school Who feel. It fuses the locals’ political dispute melodrama done so well in a Hartnell story with the ‘planet rich with a unique natural resource’ trope of Pertwee and Tommy B. There’s even a hint of a murky Troughton-esque base under siege claustrophobia-fest. It’s like a greatest hits package in tone, if not in execution. (Bat) Queen’s Greatest Hits II, if you will. We’ll reserve the distinction of their Greatest Hits I album for the Five Doctors.

Caves succeeds in sticking in the memory for a couple of reasons. The gimp suit provides some iconic styling which is handy for marketing purposes, while of course this is also a regeneration story. More about this later.

An honourable mention also goes to the cliffhanger in Episode Three, which gives Davison’s Doctor the chance to be genuinely heroic. Never has his sinus-y, panic-stricken performance been a better fit as he plays chicken with a planet while at a spaceship’s controls. Peri’s perilous condition has ignited a determination in him to stand up and be counted. It beggars belief that it’s taken him until his penultimate episode to finally take charge of his titular show.

These points aside, there’s not much else that’s especially standout. It’s a shame for Peri’s character that she puts her foot in it – literally – and contrives to kill the Doctor the moment they land on the planet. It’s only been 81 minutes since she met him in the previous story and her first meaningful contribution here is to sign his death warrant by slipping down a plastic rock. Death by Clumsiness is pretty lazy writing.

The Doctor’s relationship with Peri is really promising, so the fact it’s so quickly cut short is a shame. Doc 5 notoriously had to endure a TARDIS brimming with characters he disliked. The weasely older brother left in charge of a sister and her annoying mates. It created an atmosphere akin to shaking bees in a jar.

Pairing him with just one companion – especially a strong female companion - could have been a great foil for Davison’s more thoughtful, less outwardly confident Doctor. But we’ll never know. Peri offs him in less time than it takes to nip out for some upside-down mammal milk.

Speaking of which, the Doctor’s sacrificial adventure to get the Dairy MacGuffin should be an ordeal - a gripping, desperate journey with numerous obstacles for him to overcome (which the Five Doctors did so well, and even Death to the Daleks’ terrifying floor tiles offered Pertwee a challenge). The ante in such a scenario here would have been spectacularly upped by the very real ticking clock of his expiring hearts.

But it feels like the budget has also expired so instead they’ve shoved a terrible rubber monster in his way and made him crawl up a slight gradient across a matte painting. And that’s it.

Imagine if Indy in Raiders didn’t have to leap a death pit or outrun a boulder, and instead just slipped the golden statuette under his jacket and stepped out into the jungle. Underwhelming wouldn’t be the word.

That’s what we have here. A finale of such promise that comes to absolutely nothing. If the Doctor hadn’t been poisoned, obtaining the milk would have been quite a pleasant afternoon stroll. The script went to considerable lengths to set up the dangers lurking in the caves but they just evaporate. The cave monster is supposed to be an insurmountable foe, but is ultimately revealed to be nothing more than Ross Geller’s Holiday Armadillo. The Bat Queen doesn’t even object to him draining her teat, which is a weird sentence to write.

Which all brings us to the main highlight: the regeneration. These days there’s a contractual obligation to drown the audience in sentimental companion flashbacks but in Caves it was new. Groundbreaking, even. And it’s damn effective. It’s not even ruined by Anthony Gurning Ainley or Adric’s bemused little face popping up, here both serving as a welcome reminder that this incarnation of the Doctor at least made it beyond his nadir.

We’d go so far as saying it’s the best regeneration of the lot. This one is steeped in emotion and is all the stronger for having been set up early in the story. The audience has known for three episodes that he was dying so when the moment does come it packs an emotional weight that is entirely earned. Sometimes a regeneration can be a postscript rushed at the end of a story. But not here, it’s been stalking the viewer since Episode One.

It’s also important that the effects are kept to a minimum as Davison transforms into – deep breath, everyone - Colin Baker. Take note, Modern Who producers: the overwrought Tinker Bell golden magic dust shower nonsense of the 21st century hides all the real drama of a regeneration. Less is definitely more. Nobody knew it at the time (not even Michael Grade) but there would never be a proper regeneration again.

It’s also the best cause of regeneration in Classic Who. The agony of a poisoning promises a slow death which ratchets up the tension throughout the story, although truth be told the competition isn’t great, considering we’re up against such fare as Six injured in an Atari FX space battle, Two having some 60s psychedelia dance around his head and One settling down for a nap off-screen.

Still, Davison’s death scene being overshadowed by Peri’s cleavage is somewhat apt. Tom Baker would effortlessly command every scene he was in. You’d sit up when he came on screen. Davison can’t even be the most interesting thing in his own Big Finale.

The End of Davison is not a moment for celebration. Rather, there’s a sense of relief. He has carried the burden of the role for three years and has always had the demeanour of a man lugging around the weight of the universe at the same time.

He’s never looked like he’s enjoying himself, apart from his stint at the crease in Black Orchid. There’s something quite cathartic about him finally being put out of his misery. A mercy killing.

In summary, The Caves of Androzani is a good story. But let’s not get carried away. It’s easy to retrospectively romanticise it because of the depressing knowledge of the mess to come – both on and off screen. Caves has its moments but it’s seven out of ten at best. The fact that it’s one of Davison’s finest stories speaks volumes about where the show has sunk to.

The new guy who pops up at the end looks like he means business. Can’t wait to see how he turns out…