The Dominators always ranks pretty lowly in Doctor Who polls, which in many ways is quite harsh.

 

In truth this story is fine.

 

And while this admittedly patronising adjective alone should be sufficient to earn it a mid-table position, the sheer strength of so many Early Who stories means this one gets nudged down the list by the superiority of those around it.

 

The Dominators is not bad per se, it’s just that there are a lot of rivals that are better. It’s the Tottenham Hotspur of the Troughton era.

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Its main failing is that it doesn’t stick in the memory.

 

Ironically, it would stand a better chance in this respect if it were terrible (hello, Twin Dilemma). We’re having to tap out this review as soon as the closing credits abruptly arrive with the lava, lest we forget its very existence.

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Its main crime is that it’s a tad slow and unremarkable.

 

But has the distinction of its story spilling directly into the opening scenes of The Mind Robber, which is one of the all-time best Whos.

 

Pinching those scenes to serve as an exciting finale here would have significantly strengthened The Dominators, and would have forced some much-needed cuts earlier in this story.

 

But while the decision ultimately taken harms The Dominators, it helps create a copper-bottomed classic next time out, so the sacrifice is worth it. Remember: without Bleach we wouldn’t have Nevermind.

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The producers cut this story from six episodes to five due to the lack of content, but even five episodes is a stretch. It’s incredibly repetitive, more so than some stories twice its length.

 

This problem is magnified by the preponderance of dull scenes spent in council meetings and dialogue between the two giant woodlice that consists exclusively of the mono-browed one shouting “silence, you will obey me” and his eunuch muttering his compliance.

 

This is tiresome by Episode Two. By Part Five we’re desperate to dig a tunnel to escape it.

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Overall, it’s impossible to avoid the feeling we’ve seen this story numerous times already.

 

We’ve definitely seen this quarry before. In fact we counted: this is the 84th story we’ve watched at this point and this quarry has appeared precisely 83 times before.

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It’s well used here though. We especially love the massive boulder tumbling down the hill and crushing the Quark, which – magnificently – occurs off-screen. You just know this decision was only taken because they kept making a hash of it and eventually ran out of time. We’d pay top dollar to see the outtakes.

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However, we’re grateful for the attempt at giving us an alien landscape while it lasts. We’ve only got a handful of stories left of world-building until we’re all stuck on Earth for a few years.

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Which is apt because this story – more than any other in the black and white years – feels like it’s the same show as we’ll experience in Pertwee’s first series, which is also riddled with bureaucracy and shouty, repetitive dialogue.

 

And drilling. So much drilling.

 

Note to the producers: drilling is never a gripping premise for a drama, what with it happening beneath the ground.

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Patrick Troughton isn’t stupid. He knows a below-par script when he sees one and can’t really be arsed here, saving his energy for the tour de force that awaits in the next story.

 

All The Dominators requires of him is to puff out his cheeks despairingly and spend precisely half the runtime pretending to be glued to a wall.

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We very much enjoy the scenes where he plays dumb though.

 

There’s something delightful about watching the great Time Lord floundering with the hammer-the-shapes puzzle of our childhoods, especially when it’s garnished by the Doc’s subsequent mockery of Jamie’s intelligence.

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But the only truly Doctor-y moment is when he creates bombs out of the basic medical supplies, where Troughton’s giddy sparkle is briefly evident.

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Of course, Zoe is always fun when she’s on screen, even though her role here is just to look keen, strut about in a leotard and occasionally give complex explanations to remind us she’s super-intelligent.

 

She comes into her own when she inspires the polystyrene-lugging slaves to fight back against their persecutors: classic companion fare delivered here with aplomb.

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Time out, fellow Whovians: we’d like you to join us in taking a brief moment to bask in the rarity of being blessed with a TARDIS crew where each of them lights up the screen in their own right.

 

Every time Zoe, Jamie or the Doc enters the fray we know something good’s coming. We’ve been spoilt in this respect during the Mono Who years but the purple patch will shortly fade away, so let’s not take this triumphant triumvirate for granted.

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Likewise, we certainly don’t want to give The Dominators a kicking.

 

There are many things we love about it: the planet’s inhabitants all wear net curtains for no discernible reason, the bromance between Jamie and Cully is rather lovely, there are untold beautifully designed polystyrene rocks and never has a tunnel been dug so quickly (shame on your tardiness, Charles Bronson in the Great Escape).

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We’re also besotted with the Quarks. Yes, they’re too adorable to be villains, lend their name to a 90s graphic design program and are played by children wearing Bakelite fridges (dear God, let it be children rather than the casting team having secured a troupe of dwarves).

 

But how we all adore playing the game of trying to work out what they’re saying.

 

Whole scenes are devoted to characters holding their breath while the Quarks squeak slowly about the level of charge they have left, which we can all agree is a perfect way to while away a couple of hours.

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And then, just like that, after such an interminably long build-up, we’re hit with the volcanic ending that was so sudden we checked Wiki to see if a final episode had gone AWOL from iPlayer.

 

Until it became clear they’d held it over as an awesome start to The Mind Robber.

 

Which is fine (oh look, there’s that adjective again). After all, imagine if Smells Like Teen Spirit had been the closing track on Bleach.

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