“Most of it seems a sort of grey cloud. I just remember it seems a very long time,” says a rather astute John when asked to summarise this never-ending snooze-fest somewhere around episode 34.

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We’re all for thoughtful, cerebral Doctor Who stories but they do also have to achieve the goal of keeping the audience awake.

 

The Sensorites features the least action of any serial we’ve seen so far and the most excitement on display comes from spotting all the fluffed lines. It’s not just Hartnell either (though his flub over metal melting points is a bona fide classic), the whole cast suffers from verbal diarrhoea throughout, which is no surprise given there are so many goddam lines for them to remember in this endless talkathon.

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Yet it all started so promisingly. The first episode is genuinely gripping, with an unsettling atmosphere throughout and a fascinating mystery unfolding when the crew discover two supposedly dead space travellers. It also has a great cliffhanger, with the camera clinging to Ian’s astonished face when the gremlin-like creature appears outside the spaceship.

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Sadly, it meanders for another five episodes towards a conclusion so lame that we’re jotting it down purely as an exercise in trauma recovery: some other space travellers we meet one minute before the end who are brandishing giant toy pencils, have been stuck in a cave so long they’ve gone full Colonel Kurtz and think they’re embroiled in a war with the Sensorites. Which they’re not. The Doctor tells them this. Roll credits.

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​Coming straight after The Aztecs, this is a seismic comedown. Interestingly, the lead characters’ relationships follow this depressing trajectory.

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The story opens with our TARDIS team having a jolly trip down memory lane, laughing and joking as they reminisce fondly about their hilarious scrapes with being sacrificed, incinerated by ray guns, raped by woodsmen, nuked by radiation poisoning or stabbing one another with scissors in a stir-crazy mania. Much like any character-building gap year.

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Barbara breezily declares she’s “got over” her death-defying ordeal in The Aztecs, which ended precisely eight seconds ago, and we all have a good chuckle about it. Before she skips two of the more boring episodes in this serial to curl up in a darkened room. Which in hindsight we should have done too.

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Beautifully, the Doctor and Ian are getting on famously in these early scenes. There’s real warmth between them and they seem comfortable in each other’s company, even if at one point Bill calls him “Cheston”.

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By the time this story finally limps its way to the end, however, normal service has been resumed and they’re at each other’s throats once more. The Doc is back at his belligerent best, promising to turf his erstwhile bestie off the ship at the next stop. And the comedown is complete.

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Amid all this relationships shenanigans, this is a really strong serial for the Doctor himself, with Hartnell giving a nuanced performance the story doesn’t deserve. By this stage of the first season, Billy Boy has settled into the character of his Time Lord and he’s the most watchable aspect of this story by a country mile.

 

The stereotype of the First Doctor as a grumpy, out-of-touch old git is deeply unfair – a misconception popularised by the broad-brush way he’s been played by stand-ins for posthumous medleys like the Five Doctors and in New Who. Which is ridiculous. It would be like judging Roger Delgado’s performance as the Master based on how John Simm and Michelle Gomez had a go at the character.

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Here, Hartnell’s Doctor is in turn thoughtful, playful, authoritative and affectionate. It’s a complex and captivating mix. Plus, he looks great in a cloak and doesn’t the dapper old geezer know it, spending most of the last episode swishing it about like he’s Dracula (note: Hartnell would have made a GREAT vampire).

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The Doctor dominates the stage here, stepping up to the role of leader in a way we’ve not seen before, and is well supported by – drum roll please – Susan Foreman.

 

No, your eyes do not deceive you, we are giving credit where it’s due to a strong performance from Carole Ann Ford and a script which, for once, gives her more to do than merely shriek and trip over. Enjoy it while it lasts, for Susan praise won’t become a recurring theme.

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Susan is integral to the plot here, with her finely tuned mind proving a real asset throughout as she communicates telepathically with the Sensorites. She gives a powerful speech about trust to the First Elder (a sledgehammer-subtle theme throughout) and there’s a lovely moment where she vividly describes her home and her desire to return to it - her description provides clear guidance notes for future production artists who will obligingly use vivid orange and red palettes for Gallifrey scenes for decades to come.

 

She shares some touching scenes with her grandfather too, but these are somewhat undermined by her also being inappropriately touchy with Ian – her teacher, remember - when he’s lulling in his poison fevered state.

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A touch of fever would help us to get through the rest of this serial, where a decent premise quickly (the only speedy thing about this story) gives way to mediocrity.​​​​​​​​​​​

 

​Little occurs of note for the eight hours or so this story lasts. Fans of scenes of characters walking down corridors with no urgency are in for a real treat, before things are cranked up a notch thanks to a gripping montage showing characters selecting test tubes and making notes. The comparisons with Stallone’s Rocky training scenes are obvious.

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The dastardly gremlins we are teased with in Part One’s cliffhanger turn out to be softly spoken dweebs with chin toupees who can read people’s minds and paralyse them with fear. Which would be a pretty cool power, were it not undone by two rather significant weaknesses - darkness and loud noises – that render them about as much threat as a handheld fly swatter whose filament has been removed by a traitorous bald mole creature.

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Amid the general drudgery, there are two moments worthy of inauspicious mention.

 

Firstly, the Sensorites’ sashes switcheroo to befuddle their visitors, because without them they can’t be told apart, is a tad on the racist side.

 

Secondly, the fight in which the Second Elder dies is the most pathetic action scene we’ll be subjected to until Colin is strapped to a cart in Mark of the Rani.

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All this is not to say The Sensorites is a disaster of a story. It’s just that the producers have criminally overestimated how much content they have to play with.

 

This is a two-part B-movie that’s been tripled in length to filibuster the TV schedules. We love Edge of Destruction but it would be unthinkable as a six-parter. That’s what we have here.

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As a result, The Sensorites is not going to fare well in the litmus test of how eager we are to re-watch a particular serial. Still, we’ve endured it so we’ll move on and say no more on the matter. Like your GCSEs. Or piles.

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