Earthshock | Sophisticated Idiots

The Titanic
The Sixth Sense
Catherine Howard – aka Catherine Howard (beheaded)
The 1966 World Cup Final
Err, John O’Groats

There are probably loads more examples we should add to this list of things famed for their dramatic ends, but we can’t think straight right now.

We’re in too much of a spin after seeing a beloved character killed in gut-wrenching fashion.

Worse, the emotion is exacerbated by the camera dwelling on an inanimate memento that’s all we have left of them.

We’d grown rather fond of Snyder. Too bad her death was usurped by that Adric fella.

Well, aren’t we almost as funny as the Cyber Leader tripping down the steps...

This is the final review in our Cyber Season (a reminder that The Wheel in Space is off limits thanks to our rule about at least 50% of a story needing to exist) – and we’ve saved the seismic one for last.

We usually try to avoid factoring behind-the-scenes baggage into our reviews, but such ignorance is impossible with The One Where Adric Dies. Context is absolutely everything...

It’s 1982, which means:

Sophisticated Idiots are still in nappies (ie, aged one – we’re not in Sergeant Benton in Time Monster territory)
Peter’s in his first season and, putting it delicately, is floundering like scientists in a cave system amid his trio of squabbling companions
The Cybermen have been on another seven-year hiatus since their Revenge ridiculous-fest
And Adric is officially the most despised figure of the year. Closely followed by the Argentinian military dictator who kick-started the Falklands War.

Their leading man may be tepid, but producers’ response is quite the opposite. They go for broke with not one but Two! Major! Shocks!

Killing a longstanding companion (stop trying to steal his thunder, fly-by-night Master Plan buddy Katrina) is certainly an audacious move.

Even more impressively, they manage to pull off the masterstroke of not spoiling the Cybermen surprise with the story title. At the time, the Cybers’ reveal in the Part One cliffhanger was the talk of the country. Far more than Prince William being born.

Yet for all its notoriety, is Earthshock actually any good? After all, possessing a shocking ending is no guarantee of quality (No Time To Die, anyone? Terminator 3? Even The Usual Suspects isn't as good as you remember).

Let’s take an unhurried wander around the cargo deck to find out.

After the rather tedious dinosaur history lesson (writers should’ve watched the first five minutes of The Aztecs to learn how one gives necessary backstory without delivering a lecture), the overriding sense from the early stages is how strongly those Androzani vibes are coming through.

Hats off (foldable cricket ones, naturally) to the director – all the stuff underground is suitably murkily lit, with every scene soaked in jeopardy. Especially when holding try-outs for the Raston Warrior Robot.

At the same time, we’re introduced to a strong cast of marines from Aliens we can tick off our bingo card as they get dispatched.

For a series sullied by such a poor record with strong female roles, Earthshock does more for gender equality than anything in Who until Ace arrives with her Nitro 9.

As a consequence, Beryl Reid’s barely believable captain has some wonderful lines berating the treacherous Ringway.

This latest double-crossing scumbag makes us wonder if there’s a clause somewhere obliging every Cyberman story to feature a human turncoat?

Anyway, our robotically-enhanced chaps certainly haven’t been idle during their break – they’ve fashioned themselves a whole new look.

We’re not big fans of the latest Cyber makeover: they’ve abandoned the unsettling blankness that carried so much threat in favour of masks that resemble pleading spaniels.

Still, we applaud the call-back to the Tomb days with their shrink-wrapped breakout shots, even if these are repeated ad nauseam.

Talking of references to bygone Who, the Cybermen watching their montage of the Doctors is a nice touch here – before the incessant nostalgia trip gets boring in the next few years.

All in all, this is the strongest outing for the Cybermen in the colour era.

Yes, they’ve become a laughing-stock by this point (Ugg boots, really?), but they still manage to have real impact.

Of course, the Cybermen have always had a tendency towards melodrama: they’re present for Victoria’s first full story and then Zoe’s introduction. They kill off (indirectly) the First Doctor, and now Adric. They’re chosen – ahead of the Daleks, too – for the 20th and 25th anniversary celebration tales.

This sense of epic-ness has clearly gone to David Banks’s head, for he plays the Cyber Leader with the subtlety of Mr Burns.

His vocal delivery is distractingly weird too – think Bane having swallowed Vader’s voicebox. Somewhere since the 1960s the Cybermen seem to have forgotten their own ‘emotions are a weakness’ mantra.

But for all their overblown shenanigans, pleasingly, their grand plan isn’t too nonsensical. It almost works, remember: it’s only thanks to Adric’s neurodiversity that they wipe out the dinosaurs instead of humanity.

Oh, Adric.

His whining throughout most of Earthshock’s opening episode is so irritating we’re tempted to calculate the E-Space coordinates ourselves.

But it’s impossible to overlook the fact the doomed dullard's making a fair point: the Doctor IS unashamedly ignoring him. Which is understandable.

Doc Five’s characterisation is curious in Earthshock (other, kinder, observers would say multi-layered, but we’re plumping for inconsistent).

For example, he murders the Cyber Leader by repeat-gunning him point-blank in the chest – then stands by passively as Adric barrels to oblivion.

His earlier petulant tiff with the boy wonder is not only hard to watch, it culminates in Davison stropping off in a huff.

Can you imagine any other incarnation of the Time Lord behaving like this?

Pertwee would knock Adric out. Hartnell would put him over his knee. Tom would simply bark at him to shut up.

And therein lies the problem. Adric was far less annoying in his handful of outings with the Fourth Doctor – because Tom wouldn’t take any of his nonsense. He kept him firmly in his place.

Poor Pete, whose TARDIS is overrun by whingeing kids – plus, in this story, military types and laissez faire Cybermen – has given him too long a leash.

And Doc Five pays the ultimate price for his generous spirit – having to do it all again when Turlough rocks up in just three stories' time.

Still, we guess we can credit the Fifth Doctor’s experience with Adric for him sacrificing himself to save Peri in a couple of seasons. Were he still in his Earthshock mindset, he’d gobble the batmilk for himself and leave her to Jek.

Thinking about it, this would have saved us all from having to endure her rancid relationship with Colin.

So thanks a lot, Adric: see where petulance gets you?

Cue end credits. Silently, mind.

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